May 28, 2019
WHAT DID I LEARN IN INDIA
To trust is a very deep and beautiful experience. Yet to learn how to trust can be a painful journey. It is interesting to observe how we never question our breath or heart beat - we simply trust it automatically, yet we question ourselves and each other all the time.
Trust has been one of my ultimate lessons in this life, and it has been showing up on my path very often: being an immigrant and living in the foreign country, traveling the world, going through marriages, facing an addictions, reading spiritual scriptures... Those are very few examples how one can experience trust, or lack of it. My recent test around trust has been through personal relationship. I realized that I was not opened and expanded in my relationship with my partner, and intuitively felt that this partnership will come to the end. I couldn't relax into the trust that everything will be fine, that we/I will be ok. I was closed up around my heart center, vibrating at the level of thought that I can't trust this experience, I can't trust this man, I can't trust this life... Years of conditioning and fear around personal relationship, around marriage, around definition of intimacy in general had hold me hostage within my own thinking patterns. I thought I was loving, yet I was afraid all along.
Trust + Love = Surrender
What comes first - love or trust? I think trust does. If we can't trust, we maintain contracted state of consciousness where love can't be experienced. For love we must expand and stay expanded at the heart center, in other words - surrender... Yes, surrender is the ultimate byproduct of the space where love and trust meet.
Osho says that "on the path of love, trust is the most essential thing. On the path of love, without trust, there is no go because it is the very first door. Love demands so much. It demands almost the impossible, and trust is the first step. Love is easy, but very demanding. That's why even though the path is so easy, very few people travel it."
What I learned about trust
Trust is not about relationship or other person. It can’t be found or lost, given or taken because it is not outside of you. Trust can’t be rebuilt because it can never be broken. Trust is invincible and unshakable. Trust is a state of consciousness within you. You either trust, or you don’t. What is shakable is our mind. Until we expend and maintain the state of continuous awareness, we can’t know trust.
India
In April I was blessed with trip to India, practicing Sattva Yoga, expanding the infinite horizons of my consciousness. Often people come back from that beautiful place and say - "Awe, India had changed my life." Well. India can’t change your life. Only you can. What changes your life is your experience of yourself. It calls A w a r e n e s s. Yoga is a path of self practice what creates deeper experience of self, deeper awareness - it refines your mind, your nervous system, your consciousness. With that understanding I can admit - I changed my life through Yoga. It helped me to change who I thought I am. It changed my thinking patterns forever, and that will change how I show up in life. I know that with deeper practice Yoga has an ability to transcend my thinking completely. Now I trust.
To that I surrender.
Gratitude
Gratitude to my Guru Anand Mehrotra, and all the teachers at Sattva Yoga Academy, gratitude to life coach Samy Chang, focused coach Sadhu Serves, and kundalini instructor Prakash Chegu.
Especial gratitude to angel Sadhvi Bhagawati Saraswatiji, divine feminine in my life.
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